Why I'm a Polly

Dramatic, Actor/Singer Me

Once upon a time, about a year and a half ago, this good girl I know….okay, okay. it was me… I was relaying a tragic professional acting experience I had on a film set to an acting coach. He told me (among other things) that I expected myself to be perfect. He also told me I was competitive. Wow, he made me mad because good girls already know they're not supposed to be perfect or competitive; they understand that we all make mistakes and it's okay. (Of course, somehow, good girls don't really talk about their own mistakes…they just forgive other people for theirs while scrambling to do everything just right themselves.) Well, anyway, after this conversation I was not feeling okay about the fact that I wasn't okay with my mistakes, which meant that something was wrong with me and I needed to fix it, A.S.A.P.  I decided right then and there that I'd show him! I was not too hard on myself…I was gonna work hard at not being hard on myself...

Five seconds later the truth sank in…Crap!! (Good girls don't swear. They say "crap" instead.)  I had just confirmed what he said about me! That made me mad too, because good girls like to think they know themselves inside and out. How could HE see that in me after a short time when I've been living with myself since birth! If anyone was going to win a first place prize for understanding what makes Carrie Marshall tick it should be me… So annoying…

It slowly sank in how my thoughts had again confirmed his second point. Argh!! But good girls aren't competitive; they're kind and gracious and unassuming. They don't get mad if someone is trying to help them by pointing out character traits that drive (and sometimes hinder) their work. I was a good girl! I thought only people on sports teams were competitive. I didn't even try to coordinate  any muscles until I was 22. How could this be? And even worse…how did I not know this about myself?

Since this fateful conversation, I've been slowly awakening to what I have now unofficially dubbed my "Pollyanna Complex". Now don't get me wrong; I love many things about Pollyanna. She's upbeat. She's adventurous. She loves people. She faced adversity and came out the other side smiling and making other people happy. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you need to go watch the Hayley Mills movie adaptation right now.)   I am proud to be that Polly. But over the years, Pollyanna has also  become synonymous with being a naive, goodie two- shoes. She's known as an innocent, perfect girl who's annoyingly happy all the time, nobody can relate to because she doesn't exist on a plane the rest of us call reality, and expects everyone else to play her 'Glad Game'.  I hope I wasn't that bad. But am I hard on myself? Yes. Do I expect myself to be perfect? Yes. Was I blind to certain areas of myself? Yes.  When I titled my blog Saving Pollyanna,  this is what I'm referring to.

So, yeah. I'm a recovering Pollyanna. I am finally realizing that I don't have to have it all together. Letting go of perfection is very freeing.  I want to be free! This blog is going to be all about that, whether I share in video, photos, songs or words! All you Polly's of the world…join me!

Regular Ol', "I really should brush my hair" Me 

WHO’S GONNA SAVE POLLYANNA

Carrie Marshall, 2013

There once was a little blonde

In a pink dress

A perfect hair bow

Rose-colored glasses to match

She was full of sunshine

No matter the circumstance

A heart full of love

And good intentions, that’s a fact

Seasons came and went

It happens

The little girl

Got caught in the trappings

Of what everybody wanted

What she thought she should be

Playing the Glad Game

For everyone to see

Who’s gonna save Pollyanna

Who’s gonna heal her heart

 The good girls know

There’s no where to go

When their world is falling apart

Who’s gonna save Pollyanna

Everyone thinks she’s fine 

She’s pretty

She’s wise

The perfect disguise

For sad little Pollyanna

Polly is polishing her bubble

A rainbow of color to cover the troubles

But reality has a way of leaving messy stains

Bubbles are known for bustin’ in torrential rains 

Who’s gonna save Pollyanna

Who’s gonna heal her heart

 The good girls know

There’s no where to go

When their world is falling apart

Who’s gonna save Pollyanna

She still believes she’s fine 

She’s pretty

She’s wise

The perfect disguise

For sad little Pollyanna

Maybe someday she’ll look inside

Find out it’s really all right

Not to have it all together

No matter what the weather

Just be honest with herself

And let the truth shine

Just shine, Pollyanna, shine

You’ll be just fine. Pollyanna

In the midst of your struggle

In the midst of your pain

Through all of your failures

Your fears and your shame

Just shine, shine

Let the truth shine, Pollyanna

And you’ll be just fine